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Ellie
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Posted: Sat Sep 13th, 2008 04:24 pm |
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Hi everyone,
I am having a problem that I have not been ready to talk to anyone about.I have talked about Joe alot.I love this man with all my heart.When we are together we have so much fun.The problem is he does not spend any time with me anymore. He says things come up but sometimes nothing comes up and I still dont see him.When we went on vacation it was great except he played golf alot.I understood going in it was a golf vacation but I did expect to see him more.I miss him.I am not saying he is a bad guy because he sure is not.I just dont understand.We have been together for over 2 years.We should be talking about a future by now but I am the one who brings it up and he changes the subject or makes a joke.He was divorcing when I met him.I know it takes time to get over a marriage.I think he loves me but he may still have feelings for his ex also.I am confused.Should I tell him what I need?I have prayed about this and really dont know what to do anymore.When he talks about the future its never a conversation about us being in the same house.He talks about places he wants us to go and see.I know he likes coming and going as he pleases and I have told him if we lived together that would not change.I just want to know my man is coming home to me every night.I see so many people who do have this and I want a life with Joe.I just dont know if this relationship is as important to him as it is to me.Any insight?
Ellie
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maureen5
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Posted: Sat Sep 13th, 2008 06:52 pm |
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| It sounds like he is taking for granted that you will always be there. I know this is easier said than done, but I think I would get on with my life. If he wants to come along fine, if not you're better off without him. It would make room for someone else in your life. I've been there, and some men just don't /won't commit. There's not anything wrong with you. Tell him how you feel and let your life go on/not dependent on him. It's better to be alone than with someone who isn't really with you.
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Sun Sep 14th, 2008 12:03 am |
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Maureen,
I hear you loud and clear.As far as someone else in my life my greatest fear is there wont be anyone and I will be alone.I want to be with someone I am ready.I am 44 years old and live in a small town where I have not met many men who are available or I would be intersted in.It gets harder as we get older.Plus I really love Joe.Thats what hurts so much.After I split up with my ex I dated some and they all told me up front that they didnt want a committment.They were honest.Joe has not said this to me.If he feels that way I want to hear this from his own mouth.I also have self esteem issues.In my mind who would be interested in me?I know it sounds crazy to everyone else but it is how I feel.We have been through alot in the last 2 years.We both had major surgery and he went to jail because of his ex.I watched him cry when he had to face his exs lawyer for the first time.I just cant figure out if this is worth fighting for.I am scared right now.Thanks for the advice I will give it some thought.
Ellie
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maureen5
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Posted: Sun Sep 14th, 2008 03:46 pm |
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Ellie,
I hope I didn't sound harsh. You are a very special person and are worthy of the best. Don't sell yourself short. Think what your angels would want for you. They will lead you where you are supposed to go.
Love and peace
m
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Sun Sep 14th, 2008 04:35 pm |
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Maureen,
No you didnt sound harsh.I just dont know how to get my message across that I need him around more.I could deal with him going off by himself on the weekend if he was around more during the week.Thank you for saying I am special.I have found and this is a shame that guys dont want to stick around to get to know a women if she is not skinny and really cute.They dont give us other girls a chance and that stinks.So even though I am loving and giving guys dont want to know they want trophies.Thats how I see it.I am not horrible but I am chunky and 44.2 STRIKES.I once was interested in a guy who laughed at me when he found out.Well I went to weight watchers and cut my hair.I had lost like 30 lbs.So I ran into him after all this and he asked me out.I asked him why now he was interested and he said "well you look better now".I was so insulted.He said I can be seen with you now.We were in the bowling ally and I wanted to hit him with a bowling ball.Instead I just said well now I look to good to be seen with a loser like you.Thats the thing with Joe is that it does not matter to him.I am very self conscience when people stare at me.Maybe I should just get over my self.Thanks again
Ellie
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maureen5
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Posted: Sun Sep 14th, 2008 05:44 pm |
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| Good response to him Ellie,,, I have found that most people don't judge you by what you look like but by how you make them feel...Hey, smile, stand up straight, and know that angels are all around you cheering you on every minute..You are the star of your own life (corny I know but true.).
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maureen5
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Posted: Sun Sep 14th, 2008 05:44 pm |
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Good response to him Ellie,,, I have found that most people don't judge you by what you look like but by how you make them feel...Hey, smile, stand up straight, and know that angels are all around you cheering you on every minute..You are the star of your own life (corny I know but true.).
The fairy in the avatar is my granddaughter.
Last edited on Sun Sep 14th, 2008 05:44 pm by maureen5
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Faye
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Posted: Mon Sep 15th, 2008 01:08 am |
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Maureen, I was about to say what a pretty fairy! LOL. She's very beautiful!
Ellie, hugs! I know it can be difficult when it comes to relationships with men. Ugh! But Maureen is right. We deserve to be treated like the goddesses we truly are. And I'm soooo happy when I read about your wonderful response to that guy who only looks at the outside beauty. He doesn't really deserve you!!! Maybe it is time for you to lay down the cards to Joe. Tell him how you feel and be honest that you couldn't stay in a relationship that doesn't really offer solid commitment. You're 44! I'm 25! But like you, I wouldn't want to settle for anything less than I truly deserve!
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Mon Sep 15th, 2008 01:16 am |
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I know this is going to be hard.I just dont want to do anything I will regret later on.I have alot of thinking to do.Thanks for all the solid advice I love ya all.
Ellie
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dana64
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Posted: Mon Sep 15th, 2008 06:37 pm |
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Ellis sometimes we are taken for granted..I dated my husband for 9 years before we married he had a x that also casued problems....He got scared of really being comitted a couple of times because of the past...I loved him so much and rearranged my schedule to always be there for him..He has always fished alot and that wasn't a problem but after awhile it was if I would be there but we he didn't talk about the future....I found that at them times sometimes his x put thoughts or did something to make him doubt he could ever really be happy.....So I came to the point a couple of times that although I loved him dearly I had to make myself go and do other things and spend some times with friends and others so he could learn not to take me for granted......In the process I was just really hurt and sad because I felt he didn't want to make a comittment but all it was he was afraid of really letting go andletting me love him totally.....He had a nsaty divorce....Sometimes it is just hard to let go....Pray and have faith he will realize just how special and wonderful you are and that you love him unconditionally.....I know it will all be fine for you...
Blessings dana
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Mon Sep 15th, 2008 07:25 pm |
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Dana,
I do go out and do things with my neighbor or my sisters.I miss him the whole time.I dont doubt that Joe is afraid.She really put him through alot.When Joe and I get really close he pulls away for a while.Its like he is fighting getting too close to me.How do I get him to trust me?I also had a nasty divorce but mine was 10 years ago Joes was 2.I keep thinking am I acting to needy?The thing is this is the biggest problem we have.Am I making to much of this or should I count my blessings?Thanks all love ya
Ellie
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soraya
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 12:58 pm |
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Hello Ellie, Count your blessings, JOE excepts you as you are, dosent he
stop for a minute love, and think, for its a rare and beautiful way he has with you.
STEP back ellie, is what i feel to say, from his perspective your in danger of coming across as needy/wanting/controlling, ELLIE, RELAX, if its the time factor thats giving you concern, then how about setting a timeframe on a personal level,
6 months/ 4 months/ 8 months, however you feel to play it. but at same time, give Joe time, without anything else than openess and focus your time together to be without rhyme
/reasonconditions for the time frame you allot to yourself only, you have all the rest of your lives to make commitments/promises/serious decisions.
JOE needs to repair and recover from previous commitment, and perhaps you could use the time you choose to learn and grow spiritually making steady progress towards getting to know yourSelf and connecting with higher realms of understanding and living your souls true life purpose.
PEACE AND UNITY BE WITH YOU, GRACE MULTIPLIED A THOUSAND FOLD.
sORAYA
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 01:17 pm |
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I guess I feel stuck or lost or something right now.I know I need to find a real job soon because I am becoming depressed and bored.We will see what happens today.Thanks.
Ellie
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dee
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 01:31 pm |
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great words by Soraya.....as usual....we love you Soraya......
to Ellie.....you do know in your heart Joe loves you...right? and you also know that when we try to push anything it has a negative outcome...so if you and Joe are to be together forever...it will come to be....but, that Divine Timing comes into play here...and I'm wondering if you are asking your guides and angels about this issue? I do it all the time....and I always get an answer...mine usually come in the numbers. so, you could try it that way? ask a question....and give it a day or so...I don't usually have to wait more than a few hours before they let me know.....but they will give you an answer.....Do you know who your spirit guide is? knowing a 'name' isn't really important...it's just more personal...but asking them these questions is a good idea? Also, remember, God's Timing IS key....in order for you and Joe to have that life together it must be at the right time.....If Joe didn't come to you as a 'whole' person then your relationship may not survive it......when I am in question as you are now...I often get the number 222....meaning ...have faith and trust in God....don't worry about it....just trust HIM and the way HE works....I'm getting that you may need to take a deep breath and relax about the situation....easier said than done I know! but it is the only way you will make it through this 'turmoil' you feel right now. Please find that trust...and have that faith...It is very important and very hard to say the least....patience isn't a human quality that comes easily!
my prayers are with you dear....hang in there...we are all on your side......
much love to you...Dee
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 03:26 pm |
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Dee,
Everytime I ask my angels for help concerning Joe or I ask for a sign if we are supposed to be together my phone rings and it is Joe.Is this a sign?I prayed for some one and they sent me Joe.I really have to pray alot on this one.Thanks love ya Ellie
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AriesAngel
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 05:39 pm |
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Ellie,
My beloved Dad always told me that actions speak louder than words and it's a man's actions towards you that tells you his true feelings and intentions for you.
My Dad was a genuis and absolutely right about this fact.
Julie
Last edited on Tue Sep 16th, 2008 08:11 pm by AriesAngel
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Tue Sep 16th, 2008 09:45 pm |
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Julie,
I also believe that actions speak louder than words and when Joe is here he cant do enough to for me.The trouble is he isnt here enough.My dad was really smart also at least commen sense wise and he taught us alot.Joe and I have never had a fight.The big issue is the time we spend or dont spend together in this case.Its scary cuz I dont know what to do.I have decided when he comes over tomorrow I am just going to lay it on the line for him.I am going to tell him that I am making plans to move away maybe next year.This is my plan.I am going to save money and move back to hawaii where I lived for almost a year.I think at that point the ball will be in his court.I am not giving him an ultimatum.I am just going to explain how I feel.I am not breaking up with him either.I am 44 years old and all though this relationship is very important to me I think I need to do something to make my own dreams come true.We will see what happens.Maybe he will save up and want to go with me.That would be great.Thanks.
Ellie
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dee
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Posted: Wed Sep 17th, 2008 02:12 am |
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Hi again Ellie.......well.......when you ask and the phone rings and it is Joe...yeah...I would consider it a good sign......It's not that I don't feel you should be or will be together...it's more of an issue of when Joe is going to be comfortable with a strong commitment? If you've been together for two years then I would want some sort of commitment as well.......I think you deserve to know where you stand.....and I also feel he should understand your need for it...If it were me I think I would want to know the reasons...the why's...and the how comes...for what ever his reason is for not being more verbal about your situation and relationship is....then know what...it is time for him to 'work' on his reasons for not being able to make a commitment...he is valid to have feelings and reasons....but to just sit on those is just not fair to you...Your life can't center on his needs ....a couple is a union of friendship....to enjoy eachother...to share with eachother...not to sit and let life go by and wait for someone to decide when and if you'll get to a point of sharing and giving and being a real 'couple'....that is no way to live...you're better off alone than to live in questions and limbo....that's not what life should be about.....if he just even makes an attempt...that if he 'does' want to be with you but has a problem then it is time to work on that...
I'm going to keep you in my prayers Ell....and don't forget to ask those angels to give you some more signs....not about whether you two should be together but more in the lines of what your next step should be....don't put off 'life' waiting for someone to decide your role in 'theirs'....that's not fair to you or even a way to spend your life....being a friend to him and supporting him in working on his 'issue' is a great thing to do...but to sit idle...he just shouldn't expect anyone to do that for him...it's egoic and not very loving....and you deserve more in life....
hope I'm not hurting you...it's SO not my intention at all.....I just think you have enough going on and don't need his baggage on your back on top of all your own stuff.........
much love...and good luck with the questions to your guides etc....let us know how things are going ......Dee
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 17th, 2008 02:28 am |
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Dee,
No you did not hurt me.Joe keeps wondering why his ex wanted a divorce.I just want to ask him if he gave her any attention.He seems clueless that this bothers me even though I have told him.I think you are right about the ego thing.When I ask him to come over and see me that feeds the ego dont ya think?So if he gives me what I want I wont have to ask and the ego does not get fed.Well I think I am out of ego food now.If he really wants to see me I figure he will be here.I am not asking anymore.I will ask my angels about my next step and ask them for strength in taking it and dealing with the results.Thanks
Ellie
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dee
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Posted: Wed Sep 17th, 2008 01:12 pm |
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Morning Ellie......your post made me chuckle...Out of ego food.......good one.......I think not asking is a good choice....just sit back. by not asking him he is forced to 'show' you how he feels...let him make the move....he keeps wondering why she wanted a divorce? what's wrong with that man....yeah...sounds like he has a lot to 'heal'...or work through....so, it's up to you if you are up to the wait? He's got to work through this before he can move on with his life.....he's not ready for you as yet....do you have the ability to wait and hang in there? He may be a wonderful man Ellie...but, he needs to be a whole person in order for the two of you to be a whole together...we're all behind you 100% here...you know that right....so, sending prayers...and also can send reiki to your 'situation' to heal, or at least to go to the next step instead of staying in this stagnant place.
hang in there honey........things will change...and it's my hope it doesn't hurt you any more than it already has.........
love to you...and peace to you too
Dee
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