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catlady21
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Posted: Sun Sep 20th, 2009 04:34 am |
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I have been married to my husband for close to 16 years. We have had our ups and downs, but have a very solid marriage with no children. We made the decision years ago that we did not want children. We have 13 neices and nephews, and that number continues to grow. Two of those kids have very unhappy home lives because their dad walked out of their lives completely. So we spend extra time with them, and actually pay their tuition and help with buying them clothes and stuff as often as we can, my husband and I enjoy every second we spend with these kids, and also enjoy when it is time for them to go home. I don't think this makes us bad people.
We have 11 cats, and are pretty happy people.The thing that bugs me is that people think it is their right and their business to pry. It makes me totally uncomfortable. My husbands sisters especially, they constantly make comments on how I have "no idea..." because I am not a mother. I get enough judgemental comments from the rest of humanity. I do not know how to respond to people's questions as to why I don't have kids. I feel like they are trying to make me feel bad. I went to 2 EFT session because I want to work on my sensitivity, I have always taken things personally and this is something I want to work on. Please pray for me. It makes me upset for days, I feel inadequate, and like such an oddball because I never had the desire to procreate. People come right out and tell me that I am selfish. How could I be selfish? I take animals in my home, and help the family as much as possible. I am vegan, I don't tell people that the animal they are eating was tortured, and that they are being selfish. I keep my views to myself.
Why do I feel the need to explain myself to these people. My husband and I totally agree, why does it matter to me what anyone else thinks?Last edited on Sun Sep 20th, 2009 04:38 am by catlady21
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dee
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Posted: Sun Sep 20th, 2009 06:21 am |
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Hello catlady
I'm dee ..welcome to this forum...I have a best friend of .....well......we met in second grade...I'm 55,,,,,she's still my best friend....even though we lose touch here and there...but, She decided at a young (25yrs or so) she didn't want children...I wanted 'many'!! the more the merrier...I would have had ten if I could...but, not wanting children is actually, in my opinion, an honest stand to take...Not everyone does.......and how someone can say you are being 'selfish' is beyond me! I've worked with children in many facets...even as a young girl 'babysitting'...I watched kids who's parents 'should not' have had kids....I've worked in daycare....and there are so many parents out there who are SO oblivious as to what they are NOT doing for their kids it's sickening to me. Sometimes I get the feeling people have them for all the wrong reasons...or feel that is just the way life is when we get older and grow up and marry....I now work in an elementary school...I could tell you stories everyday for the rest of my life about how these oblivious parents are 'messing' these kids up...It's the saddest thing I've ever witnessed. The ones who say you are selfish just don't have a clue....and I have to wonder just how well adjusted their children are.....It's been my opinion for many many years that the children of this world are the victims of their parents ignorance...I don't think many parents, or adults, 'get it'...I don't feel they get what being a parent is all about...I don't feel they get exactly what happens when they don't nurture or treat them as an innocent little child who depends on them for 'everything'...they just 'have' them and wing it.....It takes a certain kind of person or persons to have children and be the parent 'we' were meant to be...the focus has been taken out of the nurture and development of the child and now it's the ego of the adult being fed....not the love and teaching and nurturing a child needs...there is no guidance..etc.
What you and your husband give to the children in your life is probably more love and attention than a lot of kids out there get from their own parents...Bless you for that!
I can tell you that I have always had a problem keeping my 'voice' to myself...when I see people in family or otherwise being phony etc. I have SO often 'called them out on it' so to speak...and I've had to learn to stop...It bothers me too when people do as they are doing to you...We just have to pray for strength to get through that 'angry' moment. They are the ones who are ignorant...rude...some people think it's ok to say things like that...it's not...it's none of their business...and I'd just tell them "We have many children in our life"...and take in pets instead!!!! LOL
You are not bad people...please don't let them make you feel as if you are. Maybe in this life you were meant to save animals and if you had a house full of children you wouldn't have the money or the room for those poor animals too...so, what ever the reason is you don't feel the need, IT'S FINE.....
It's frustrating when people get that nasty, and you shouldn't 'have' to explain yourself...
EFT is a good healing modality... I've not done it but was going to learn to 'teach' it...I was moved in a different direction and maybe I will in the future...but, not now.......and how is it working for you? Maybe your husband can ask his sisters to stop with the rudeness? It may be helpful if he expresses his opinion to them as well.? How bold do you want to be with your reaction to them? Be frank? Are they relentless?
Becoming a mother is a wonderful thing...but, it 'isn't' for everyone....Not everyone wants to be a mother. ( I have to wonder how wonderful these mothers are if they feel the need to bully you about becoming one?) I wonder what kind of examples they will end up being for their kids? any adult who feels the need to bully , well, I have to wonder how mature they are? and they have kids? UGH.........pray for them I guess....and their kids......LOL
Try not to let them hurt your feelings catlady...ask for help with the hurt...ask for help when you know you are going to see these people...ask for protection before you see them and see if it makes a difference...affirmations...They WILL NOT bring up the children subject again!...see how it goes!
and the EFT by the way IS a wonderful way for you to help with this...I will certainly pray for you as well....( you asked "why does it matter what anyone else thinks") Because it hurts, it hurts our feelings and it hurts because they just don't really know us or they wouldn't make a big deal out of everything.....someday, hopefully, they will grow, grow up and grow spiritually and see how wrong it is to judge us for our ways of doing things...you aren't bad people...and that is what they should be looking at...all the good things you do...whether or not you have or want children should never even come into a conversation...ask for peace with the issue...keep asking...with all your heart for peace about it...it will come...keep up the EFT...it helps a lot.
sorry for the long reply...I just get winded about such things.....(by the way...I'm proud your a vegan!) have any good recipes to share...I don't do tofu..ick.
again, welcome........dee
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RISINGHOPES
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Posted: Sun Sep 20th, 2009 11:23 am |
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I have no desire to have children and I am 45. Stop caring about what people think,
it is best not to have a child if you are not ready for it as it will only suffer, look up the statistics about how much humans had destroyed the planet and ecosystems,
we already have too many people to feed and pollute, tell those judgemental miss guided souls that!!!!!
please say a prayer for my dog sammy in aurora, he is very ill and the vets don't know what is wrong and he can barely walk up stairs now, he really needs help.
thanks, good luck
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catlady21
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Posted: Sun Sep 20th, 2009 11:39 am |
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Thanks to both of you.
Risinghopes, I am praying for Sammy. Animals are so special.
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