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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Thu Oct 2nd, 2008 05:54 pm |
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Hello All,
I just wanted to make everyone aware that october is domestic violence awareness month.I am praying for all the abused parteners who are still looking for a way out and the ones who got out and the ones who never did.I am also praying that someday we wont have to have a month devoted to domestic violence and that all the shelters can close due to a lack of need for them.If anyone thinks someone they know is being abused or is in danger,try to talk to them.We need to encourage victims of abuse and tell them they deserve better and its not their fault.I know that when someone you love tells you you are worthless and ugly and noone will ever want you,because your self esteem is already shot you believe it.Abusers generally dont allow their parteners to work,because that would mean they would become independent.Abusers are insecure and keep their parteners around through fear.When that stops working the abuser will try the honymoon faze to try to trick the victim into thinking he has changed.It only lasts a short time.Yes I know alot about this.Not only from personel experience,I also attended a battered womens support group for 2 years.Abusers are bullies and when bullies are faced down they cower,they are chickens.Thank you all.
Godbless
Ellie
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brookstar
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 17th, 2008 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 39 |
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Posted: Fri Oct 3rd, 2008 02:26 pm |
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Ellie,
I think you are wonderful for promoting awareness in this arena. As someone who has also been touched by a past abusive relationship (long before my marriage), it's important to remember those who still struggle with them on a daily basis. It's not always easy to get out, and it may seem impossible and hopeless to some.... I pray that God will provide the strength and courage to those that are hurting so that they can move forward in their lives.
I'm sorry for the pain and hurt that you have experienced from your abuser. It sounds like you have become a pretty strong person from your experience (I know I have). For a long time I was bitter and angry. Now I look at my experience as a stepping stone. It was part of my souls journey. It was part of yours as well. Look at how many people you are helping now!!! Look at what a wonderful, blessed being you have become. Always remember that you are worth every breath that you take.....
Love and Light,
Kelly
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 3rd, 2008 03:58 pm |
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Thankyou Kelly,
I had to be strong.I didnt want my son seeing the abuse and risk him repeating it later in his life or worse yet being a victim himself.Believe it or not men get abused too.I know now I am worth it and deserve so much better.I knew a very sweet gentle man who was my pastor.I met him one night when my ex had abused me once again.I called him in the middle of the night never having met him just going by a card I found on my door.He left a camping trip and came and got me and my son and put us up in his house for the night.I was just looking for some intervention,hoping he would talk to us.The next day he started helping me look for an apartment.My ex had a girlfriend.Pastor Hyatt became my dear friend.He drove me to court to get a restraining order and many times he helped me get to court so I could get my child support.This man helped many people by delivering food boxes to hungry families.If he got a call in the middle of the night from someone in need he got out of bed to help.He himself was not well.He had diabetes and had lost a leg due to that.He passed away in 2003.I dont know what we would have done without him.He also helped me let go and heal.He actually took me by the shoulders and looked me square in the eyes and told me my marriage could not be fixed.I was able to accept that thanks to his guidence.He was the last of a dying breed.Sometimes we need people to hold us up until we are strong enough to stand.Being abused causes wounds that take years to heal.They do heal with love and prayers and guidence.
Godbless
Ellie
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dana64
Member
| Joined: | Wed Feb 27th, 2008 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 716 |
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Posted: Mon Oct 6th, 2008 07:25 pm |
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Thanks Ellie for sharing this with us....I understand some say why don't people leave when they are abused...I understand from being abused when you are degraded and feel useless worthless scared so many other things you are scared and afraid it took me going to the hospital to leave...It has been a stepping stone and learning experience for me...I believe God has helped me learn from this...I can see others that are being abused that other people would not have a clue to...People abuse that others do not notice...I have forgiven that was probably the hardest forgiveness I have ever had to do..I have healed also...
Love and blessings dana
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Mon Oct 6th, 2008 08:05 pm |
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Dana,
Yes I agree that forgiving is a really hard part.When I was finally in my own place I was angry and didnt have time to process it all as I had to concentrate on getting my 9 year old son through it.I finally was able to forgive due to alot of therapy and support.I am a stronger person today for everything.It a shame to have to go through something like that to be strong.My stepping stone was when I ended up in the hospital due to a nervous break down.That started me on a new path.I have been in therapy now a few years and I am a different person.
Ellie
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AriesAngel
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 12:39 am |
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I have only shared my experience with my friends Dana (because she's been through a similar experience) and Emma.
When I was 24 my now ex-husband got drunk one night and pushed me into the wall of our apartment. I threw him out and told him that he was only allowed to return upon 2 conditions. He had to join AA and attend 2 meetings a day for 2 months (his attendance had to be confirmed to me by his sponsor whom I selected).
He also had to meet weekly with a therapist regarding his unacceptable behavior.
He did exactly as I requested and after 2 months I allowed him to return. He assured me that he was a changed man and would never be physically abusive again. Per my request, he continued to attend daily AA meetings and went to a therapist bi-weekly.
Everything was perfect for 6 months until my ex-husband had a relapse and started drinking one night. He got so drunk that he went berzerk and beat me up severly and then started strangling me with his bare hands in an attempt to murder me. He even said "One of us is going to die tonight and it won't be me".
I was gasping for breath because he was beginning to crush my trachea. Just as I began to black out AA Michael interceded and literally saved my life (THANK YOU AA MICHAEL).
My ex-husband was arrested, put in jail and tried for attempted murder by the District Attorney. I spent my 25th birthday testifying against my ex-husband in a court of law. He was convicted and sentenced to 6 years time with 5 years probation upon parole.
I immediately filed for divorce and 6 months later I was a FREE woman . I would rather be on my own than in a relationship with a man that is dysfunctional and has a myriad of issues.
I don't talk about my experience because there is no need to. I habor no bitterness, resentment or anger towards my ex. What happended in the past is in the past and that's where it needs to stay. I have truly moved on with my life.
My experience has made me a stronger, wiser, fearless, independent and enlightened soul..
Dear God and AA Michael, Please bless and protect all woman and children who are affected by domestic violence. May you guide them to a safe refuge where they are able to live the rest of their lives in peace, love and harmony.
Divine Blessings To All,
Julie
P.S. Dana, I admire you so much for having the strength to leave your abusive situation, for your act of forgiveness and dwelling in the present.
Last edited on Tue Oct 7th, 2008 12:41 am by AriesAngel
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atomic33
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 08:08 am |
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you go girl thanks for sharing with the board hunny you are a shining example of how one can move one from such horrendous violence
Much Love to you big sis xx
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Ellie
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 11:14 am |
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Moving on from an abusive relationship is hard and when you have a kid or 2 in tow it makes it almost impossible.We are not the weaker sex.We are strong and for many of us our faith in god is what sees us through to the next day.People may not believe us when we say we were abused.The worst scars are often not on the surface.I to this day can not have anyone sneak up on me.I have ptsd.However I haved moved on and forgiven him for everything.I just came to the conclusion that if I held on to the unforgiveness it would eat away at me like a cancer and I refuse to believe he was worth living the rest of my life like that.It does not mean I forget and does not mean I will be so vulnarable again.I know the signs now.As much as we dont want our children to know about this stuff chances are somehow their lives will be effected by this.Whether it be themselves or a friend.We should talk to them espically the girls.Make them feel worthwile and foster a good self esteem.Ok got to run.Godbless you all.
Ellie
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AriesAngel
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 06:01 pm |
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Emma Sweetie-Darling,
Thank you so much for your love and encouragement. What I went through was a difficult life lesson but with God's love and AA Michael's intervention I had the strength and courage within me to leave my situation.
I was raised to love and respect myself, so therefore I was not going to allow some man to abuse me and get away with it. That is why I worked with my local district attorney to ensure my ex-husband was prosecuted and punished to the full extent of the law. I am nobody's doormat.
During my experience I was blessed with the love and support of devoted friends and family.
Like I said before, my life lesson left me a stronger, wiser, fearless, independent and enlightened soul..
Thank you again Emma for your love and support. Big hugs and kisses to you.
Love,
Jules
Last edited on Tue Oct 7th, 2008 06:26 pm by AriesAngel
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AriesAngel
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 06:15 pm |
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Moving on from an abusive relationship is hard and when you have a kid or 2 in tow it makes it almost impossible
Luckily for those women with children who are in abusive relationships there are many wonderful resources of refuge available to women with children.
Therefore making it easy for women with children to leave their abusive situations and start a brand new life in safety. God Bless these wonderful organizations!!!
In honor of domestic violence month we might want to support these organizations through financial donations or volunteer work.
Here are but a few.
http://www.seguinviolenceshelter.org/
http://www.actionohio.org/dvshelter.htm
http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/NC.HTM
http://www.fvlc.org/resources.html
http://www.gcadv.org/html/help/shelters.html
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/txdv.shtml
http://yellowpages.kitv.com/YWCA+of+Kauai+-+Family+Violence+Shelter-YWCA.196591.80641229.home.html
http://members.aol.com/knowme68/HOMEPAGE/Shelter.html
http://www.domesticviolencehelp.com/
http://www.dvscp.org/
http://www.njcbw.org/guide.htm
http://www.carelodge.com/
http://www.dawnonline.org/
http://www.beyondtheviolence.org/
Last edited on Tue Oct 7th, 2008 06:44 pm by AriesAngel
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