So here's the thing. I haven't talked to my mother in a little over a year. I miss and love her. Always will....always have. The fact is that when I'm around her I feel like I'm just a stupid child who has nothing to give. Which I know is false. I've been told I'm talented. I've been told that I'm beautiful. and to a point I accept it. But then comes that point where one more 'I love you' is just a bit more than I can stand. There comes a point where for me....I can't deal. I can't accept that feeling like hell is worth the love. And I walk away. Now I'm sort of telling her what I felt all those years ago. Not so much how I coped. After all who could accept that they raised a daughter that cuts away at herself when the emotions become too much. Wh could accept a daughter who is the apex of everything they hate? But don't get me wrong. I still love the selfish bitch. And I would give anything to be able to return to a 'healthy' relationship with her. I would go back....if I could. But it scares the hell out of me because I know that if I do go back.....I'll end up the same as before. I'll end up cutting again. And now that I'm talking with her......it makes it so much worse.
any advice? Any hope out there that I can actually believe in?<P></P><a href="httP://dia4.diaryland.com">Angel Shaedema E'rian</a>
i dont know that i can help. i too have had trouble with my mom. it doesnt happen much anymore though, i ussually avoid her for months at a time.
cutting is hard to stop as well, but it can be stopped. i will help you if i can.
you should register on this site, that way we can write more and i might be able to help a little.
i wish i could help but i don't know what to say my mom and i use to have alot of problems, but i had to live with her for a good amount of years and so i just helped her when she needed it and stayed out of her way when she told me to i guess u can call me lucky because (and i am not saying to go and do this) after i ran away (sorry i didn't call u Rags) anyways after i came home i guess i t both made us relize how lucky we were to have each other and now i can talk to my mom about anything, but just so u know i really don't think it was the running away that did it i think it was all those years that even if she didn't want my help or me to be there i was there for her anyways
____________________ Hope is a lie
my blood stained razors
are real
