Hello Friend,
I hope this response finds you feeling better. I am new here and although your posting was awhile back, I wanted to send you greetings.
You are NOT alone my friend, many others have a self destruct issue when there is an emptyness within them. You Must find the strength within yourself to understand that only a power greater that ourselves can help and give the kindness we need for ourselves when we cannot be kind to oursevles. I too had a "death wish". I was addicted to alcohol and drugs, stayed in an abusive relationship with a man who almost killed me, was diagnosed as bi-polar and many other self defeating behaviors that brought me nothing but despair. It was only when I gave up CONTROL of myself to my higher power whom I call GOD and prayed in my heart for relief, that I started to "see" things in a different "light". You are light my friend. You have no control over what others percieve about you and really, who cares what the heck they think? It is always easier for people to look at others "issues" so they do not have to see their own. Even though people may seem to you as "together" they too have issues within themselves that they do see or accept. Your ideas about yourself come from within you and the dark forces residing in our world want to keep you in pain and suffering, and darkness. DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO WIN!!! People like you and I are "special" as we feel and expierence the world for what it is and see truth in its lack of empathy and love for others. Do not forget, there are others who are seeking the light and they and you will find it if you diligently search. God said "Seek and ye shall find"! Be strong in your belief that you can overcome. All who see your post will be praying for you but you must accept the love of others and you will start to feel love for yourself. I say this from my OWN expierence and KNOW it to be true.
Take care and I send my HOPE and prayers to my Father above for your spiritual healing! Let me know how you are and if needed, I will try to help you. You must truly want healing and you will receive it!
my*angel*hope
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THX...FIRST ONE..unless i haven't come across it yet.
that was a limit we set...2 pretty people showing restraint..that will be the first poem...i put up there...
