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dee
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Posted: Tue Sep 15th, 2009 01:16 am |
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Well,
I have to say....it was a mouthful wasn't it? but, I loved reading it!
You're a very intelligent person...
One word to keep in mind....just keep repeating it now and then and please trust me with this one...You have never messed things up SO badly that you can't come back...it's never so bad that happiness can't be a reality...If you never listen to any advice for the rest of your life...Please trust those few lines....
I like that title too....So much so, it makes me want to check it out as well.
as much as things can get 'messed up' and not always being able to get it back: guess that is a part of life we all want to forget. I have been able to look back though and can honestly say I DO feel I've been through all of my misguided foolishness for a good reason....and as cliche as it may sound it DID make me who I am today...I can look back and think of some different times in my life and I want to go hurl in the bathroom. I don't know how old you are... but who hasn't? Not too many can say that they haven't regretted things they've done or said...It comes with time, that you can honestly find peace with yourself...you have to, or it will make you crazy...As alone as we feel sometimes there is always someone out there who has it worse...who has nothing and no one...and whose life is so much worse than our own it puts ours in perspective real fast.....
So, Buddist? cool! Gnostic? have you checked any of that out? Paul,(namaste) would love talking to you!
I hope you hang around.....I would love to get to know you more! I'm sure I'm not the only one.......Life stories are great.....we love em!
blessings dee
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Tue Sep 15th, 2009 01:46 am |
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I'm 26. I'm not actually a Buddhist, no. I have no idea what Gnostic means... I'm not sure what else to do on this site, I've never heard of "reiki" or all the other stuff...
I don't think I have found peace with myself and maybe I am crazy. Maybe we all are. Sane people probably wouldnt self harm 
As for "you can do anything". Yeah, maybe that's part of the problem. There's so many options in modern life, that... the more choices i have to make the harder it is to make one. You know what I mean? I could do anything, and I have no idea what to do, so I do nothing.
I haven't really been through any "misguided foolishness", not so much... just... I had things and lost them... a girlfriend, friends, etc, a life, really... it's hard to cope with when you realise that everyone you loved, left. Especially when someone breaks your heart - you can dress it up, but basically, she got to know me well and then decided she'd rather not talk to me again. Thats hard to deal with.
"I see a child is caught in the sad trap of gravity. He falls from the lowest branch of the apple tree. And lands on the ground, and weeps for his dignity. Next time he will not aim so high. Yeah, next time neither will I."
Sorry, this is a bit self-indulgent. How on earth do you guys stay so positive?!
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dee
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Posted: Tue Sep 15th, 2009 01:44 pm |
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How do I stay positive...well, because I've hit rock bottom, a couple times....and in absolute desperation, have begged (who ever it is we come from) to please step in and help me...begged because I felt I was at the end of 'being' anything...when I woke the next day...and I don't know how to put the words in here that could possibly express the intensity of the feeling I got) but, some how, I KNEW, everything was going to unfold and receive exactly what I needed at that time.......Peace came over me and I wasn't afraid to be alive any longer...because I 'was' afraid...I had no where to go and no where to turn...and I'll put it this way, whether you believe in God or not,(there is something 'out' there we are a part of and relate to in our deepest core) ...everything I needed from that moment on step by step came into being...my whole reality changed....This is a part of what you hear people call "By the grace of God"....but, it goes even deeper than that........all I can say is what I've experienced...and there is only one logical explanation for it....We are connected to something...(I do believe in that with all my heart mind soul...) I call it God or God Source, knowing it is part of the whole Universe...Universal Energy...scientist are now saying that 'yes' even our 'thoughts' have energy...and do manifest into reality...always remember 'thoughts are things'....so, when we throw those bad thoughts out the come back to us...what we give we get...cause and effect...Universal Law....( or as some say God's Law)
Got off the track didn't I? it's easy. I know.
but, this is how I stay so positive....
about 6 or more months ago I found my self in that desperate desperate place again....not wanting to live because how I was living was so against my grain...but being disabled some what my hands are tied...I can't walk out the door...I have nothing...no way to take care of myself.....long story short here.....I did that desperate begging,,,but this time I had the faith in knowing I would be answered.......I spent that day sleeping and when I woke up I knew things went on while asleep but couldn't put my finger on what I had been dreaming about...now I don't think it was actually dreaming ,,,but what ever it was I went through I woke again with the knowing and feeling all would be well.......over the next few weeks things popped in my head that were just kind of 'different' ....thoughts of things i didn't understand ...I started seeing things during meditation...seeing visions...and was getting 'sentences'...given to me...but when I woke, so to speak, I was saying the words out loud....again, long story short.................
what I've been given is a way to earn my own living....and when it is done 'manifesting' I'll call it...the wheels are in motion...I will then be able to be on my own...because where I am now is toxic...unhealthy...depressing...and I cannot do it any longer.. Though I am still here I know I don't have to be here much longer...there is even more to the story, as to why this is unfolding at the pace it is....so, it's all faith on my part...and experience from my past of having that source step in when I so desperately needed it...
so, whether people think I'm nuts or not....I know what has happened with me and for me is VERY very real...and I know if anyone took the steps in all honesty and not 'playing' the testing game, they too could receive the help I have.
I have to ask you about the 'weeping for his dignity'?...why is his dignity at risk?
Forgiveness is key, not only forgiving those who have hurt us...but the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. You do the best with what you know, have and see...and when you have to you change your direction and remember to learn from taking the wrong road.
I do understand the self harm, honest I do...You can take control of your life and not have to do it any more...choices, I think you know which ones are the right ones...just be honest with yourself? go with your gut...? we do hold the cards to our destiny...but, none of us can do it alone. We are human and that is what makes it so hard.
so sorry to keep going on here...I guess I just want people to find peace in their life because I know it can be done and I know in this day and age it is so very hard to do. Sometimes we just have to trust what is being put in front of us and take that leap of faith with it as well?
blessings mowtown.....dee
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Wed Sep 16th, 2009 01:11 am |
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Thanks for all that, I appreciate it.
I understand the 'begging' bit. I've been there. Believe it or not I've begged "whoever it is" for His/Her help before, and... nothing happened.
I just continued to feel ignored/alone.
"weeping for his dignity". That bit was a quote from a song - 'Lets Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved)' by Bright Eyes. It felt relevant. His dignity is at risk because he tried and failed. He's not pure any more. Failure is a good reason not to try.
I'm going to have to quote another song here and say "only a God reserves the right to forgive those who revile him". I've forgiven everyone else. Sure. I don't hold a grudge. Nobody is innocent completely, we're fallible/mortal, but I would never blame anyone or wash my hands of them. I cannot ever forgive myself.Last edited on Wed Sep 16th, 2009 01:13 am by motown_junkie
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namaste
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Posted: Wed Sep 16th, 2009 02:20 am |
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motown_junkie,
I need to know how you came to name yourself motown_junkie. Why? Because you say you are 26years old and are from England.
You see, I am fifty six and I am from the middle of the USA. Motown means two things to me. On the one hand it is a style of music that moves me at my core. Have to dance even if I am sitting in a chair when I hear motown. The other is Detroit. Why because in its heyday they built a lot of cars there. The junkie part is either reference to drugs or being an advocate of something.
Dee gives great advice. She has been around the block as they say. I'm sure she'd agree that we all have our own unique path to walk.
I'd like to point out something which puts this whole life experience thing into perspective. I personally believe that we all are part human and part spirit. Our souls have always been and will always be. Our bodies on the other hand are mortal.
one other thing I have found that pleases me is that all religions share one theme. Do unto others. I am not really a religious person. I do find good in all religions however.
When I was your age I was what is known as an agnostic. That means that I felt that you could neither prove nor disprove the existance of God. Since then I have....moved over to a position where I try to be as positive as I can. Sure I'd like things to be perfect. I call that "The world according to Paul". BUT this is an imperfect world and I need to learn my lessons in this life so that I can better myself and others.
Simple really when you look at it from a theoretical position. Making it work daily is the trick.
It is true that if I look for the good I am more likely to see it. Just as I am more likely to find negativity if I choose to seek it.
nuff for now.
Oh, I almost forgot. Gonstic's believe that we all are children of God and that He She or It loves us unconditionally. God loves me just as much as Jesus or Mohamad or the Buddha. I am no more important than you or anyone else. We all are needed to make up the fabric of this universe.
sooooo, I am damn glad to meet 'cha.
namaste,
paul
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2009 02:39 am |
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Hello Namaste/Paul...
Again a lot to reply to. I'll take it one at a time! Why did I name myself Motown Junkie? I started using that name on the internet ages ago and it was after the Manic Street Preachers song 'Motown Junk'. But I do love Motown/soul music (and I'm aware of the Detroit thing). I'm definitely not an actual junkie (with drugs).
Yeah Dee has been being nice to me sure
Part human and part spirit... hmm. Yeah, I see what you mean there. There's certainly some stuff that science can't explain, we're not just mortal bodies. Love, for instance. I agree that all religions share that one theme. I have always thought that they are meant to be taken metaphorically, like somebody has written a set of basic guidelines... every culture has it, different religions with different Gods but the basic message is basically the same.
I am an agnostic. I try to be positive, though I am cynical. I don't let that affect my actions though, not towards others at any rate. I am a good person. I treat others well, look for the good in them, etc. I love people. But in a way, i also don't like them, if you see what I mean. I tend to think most people don't. Most people don't like most other people, and don't really care. They look to check you're not killing anyone and then go back to what they were doing. But I do love everyone i know and want good things to happen to them. I want good, nice things to happen, generally. I'm not a mean or aggressive person, but life is hard, and that brings me down. It's hard to remain positive and not get brought down, when you spend your life thinking about others and being nice to others and yet you get treated like a fly. Batted away whenever you get too close. No-one LETS me care about them. Reminds me of that Morrissey song: "I have forgiven Jesus, for all of the love he placed in me, when there's no one I can turn to with this love..."
Anyway. Gnostics believe that we're all children of God and he loves us equally... isn't that the same as what Christians believe? What's the difference?
And I have to ask. What's 'namaste' mean, if anything?
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namaste
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Posted: Sun Sep 20th, 2009 02:08 am |
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Hmm. looks like I pressed a key I should not have. Hence the blank reply I suspect will appear above this one.
Anyway, Yes I feel much the same way about religion as you.
Gnostics believe that God, the Creator, The Great Spirit, The Force, etc. can and does commmunicate directly with souls.
namaste is a sanscrit word. It describes a feeling as well as an action. the best definition I ever ran across is in wikkopedia. in short it means "the light and spirit in me recognizes and respects the light and spirit in you".
It is all cool. No fear. Love is the answer and the question all wrapped in one.
ohhhmmmmmm... 0))
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2009 03:19 am |
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God... etc... can and does communicate directly with souls? He hasn't spoken to mine.
"The light and spirit in me recognises and respects the light and spirit in you"? That's one hell of a word.
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dee
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Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2009 12:57 pm |
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Morning mowtown,
The gnostics have a scientific edge...I guess that is why I am drawn in that direction...science and religion go together in my mind...there is a lot of science out there which proves a lot of religious belief systems....
The 'creator' from which all things come(in my belief system) 'does' have a connection with us all...since we all come from the same origin, are all part of the same 'oneness' of the universe, that we are all a creation of that 'God Source' in manifestation.
If you were to really 'seek' a connection you would find it, feel it, know it to be real...As many of us have. I never would have thought I would ever have come to this place I am now. Experience the things I do now. Get answers,to my questions, that I ask.
Everyone is able to have a real connection to that power or source we come from. It takes time and patience...and an open mind. Forget all the past knowledge you've been taught growing up and open your mind (and heart) and ask for your journey to begin...honestly ask for the truth of who we are...If you are sincere about wanting to learn and know the truth, you 'will' get it. Shed all negative thoughts...be open, and start asking for the guidance...I know from experience that it is real and it is there for us all to find...Hence when I was seeking I was guided to the scientific as well as the spriitual. The truth is coming out, even in science, more and more. People are getting really close to the truth of the matter. Just keep your eyes and ears open and if you do want to know more you will be given the opportunities to see it.
namaste! LOL
dee
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Wed Oct 7th, 2009 12:25 am |
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Hi guys,
Just a quick note to say thanks to everyone for the kind words. I'm doing my best to sort myself out - I'm not harming or drinking (much), I'm on a diet, going to the gym, etc. I'll see how this goes
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dana64
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Posted: Sun Oct 11th, 2009 03:56 am |
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| Glad to hear from you and that doing some great things for yourself..Good luck.. Dana
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Faye
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Posted: Mon Nov 23rd, 2009 11:36 am |
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I see you have already met my fellow "veterans" in this site.
Hello motown_junkie and welcome! I'm glad you were led to this site. Namaste!
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Sun Jan 3rd, 2010 03:51 am |
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dana64
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Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2010 03:15 pm |
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| Why the sad face?
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2010 04:18 pm |
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| Not having a very nice time. I read this thread back the other day and remembered the optimism I had a few posts back... and that didn't quite work out. I'm in the same place (i.e. lost) and I'm sick of it
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dee
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Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2010 12:53 am |
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I was going to ask the same question about the sad face when I saw it as dana did.....
so, not having a very nice time you say...Hhhmmm...what can be done to change that? What can you do to change that?
can I ask 'why' you feel SO lost? Do you feel alone? confused?
There IS an answer out there for you mowtown..I know there is...we just need to find it...
I'm glad you did come back around...what can I do for you????
dee
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dana64
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Posted: Wed Jan 6th, 2010 04:13 am |
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| Don't give up I have been through some really rough times in my life but I have made it and it has gotten better. I am glad you came back and I will try to help in anyway that I can. Blessings Dana
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dee
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Posted: Thu Jan 7th, 2010 01:43 pm |
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speak to us mowtown.....where are you? You came back...you must like us? LOL
dee
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Fri Jan 8th, 2010 03:54 am |
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Lol, hi. I do like you, Dee and Dana! I guess I "came back" in terms of, I posted a sad face. But I don't know what can be done to change things or what the answers are. Changing things for the better, is easier said than done.
I do feel alone and confused.
In truth, the issue is, two years ago I broke up with my ex. Which makes it sound voluntary - it wasn't, I was dumped. I've never really got over it. I'm lonely and sad and I miss her. I'm sick of being alone. So I just sit up every night and drink and watch dumb movies that I've seen before. There's only so long I can cope with this.
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motown_junkie
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Posted: Fri Jan 8th, 2010 03:57 am |
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I love that question "what can you do to chsnge that?"... if I knew that, I wouldn't be in this situation.
"Lost" is a good word to describe this. "Broken" is another.
...
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